When Silence Gets Loud: Understanding Rural Veteran Suicide

Across rural America, veterans often live where the stars are bright and the roads are quiet, but that quiet can come at a cost. For many, the same wide-open spaces that once felt peaceful now feel isolating. It’s not a lack of strength that leads some veterans to think about ending their lives. It’s the weight of carrying pain alone, in a place where few people understand what that pain really is.

As a counselor and veteran, I’ve learned that suicide isn’t about wanting to die. It’s about not knowing how to keep living with unbearable hurt. Psychologist Edwin Shneidman called this psychache: deep, emotional pain that feels endless. Thomas Joiner’s research helps us understand it further. He found that suicide risk grows when three things come together: feeling like a burden, feeling disconnected from others, and having the capability, through experience or exposure, to face pain or death.

Rural veterans often live right in the middle of that equation.

• Belongingness becomes harder when the nearest support group or VA office is hours away.

• Perceived burdensomeness creeps in when finances tighten, health declines, or family members can’t relate to military experiences.

• Capability for self-harm and psychache increases when access to firearms is common, emotional pain is intense, and help feels distant.

Add in the cultural values of self-reliance and stoicism, and it’s no surprise that many veterans stay silent until the silence becomes dangerous.

But there’s hope. Connection saves lives ... real, human connection. Rural communities have something powerful: neighbors who notice, churches that gather, families that care deeply. It starts with a simple question like, “How are you holding up?” and a willingness to listen longer than feels comfortable.

If you’re a veteran, know this: reaching out isn’t weakness. It’s courage of a different kind; the kind that saves lives, including your own. If you’re someone who loves a veteran, check in, even when they seem fine. Sometimes, the strongest-looking ones are fighting the hardest battles inside.

And if you ever find yourself wondering whether life can still hold meaning, please reach out. The Veterans Crisis Line is available 24/7 by dialing 988 and pressing 1, or you can text 838255. Someone will answer. Someone will care.

No one should have to face the dark alone, least of all those who once stood watch for the rest of us.

Written by: Kelly Muratorri, MS, LPC, LMHC Doctoral Candidate in Trauma Counseling